So, what kind of year has it been (so far?)....

In my last post I was talking about going to a rock night with Miss HCH. I did, and we had a fabulous time too!! Rocked out big time all night, got our photos taken and horriffically posted on Facebook, drank WAY too much and I met a boy...

The next morning, I remembered MEETING a boy, just nothing else. Miss HCH told me she believed him to be called Abdul. I was pretty sure this wasnt true, but was slightly trepidatious none the less.... He text me later that day, and he's SO not called Abdul. Begins with an 'A' but there the similarity ends.

So, Abdul asked me on a date, I went and had a mucho fab and wonderful time - we chatted for ages, went to the cinema, he threw popcorn over me through the entire film - I laughed my backside off like I havent with a boy pretty much ever.

Then he asked me out again - I went to his house, we played on the Wii, he whooped my arse, we laughed, I played guitar hero SOBER (and you all KNOW how I hate the joining in) he took the piss out of me, called me names, wasnt afraid of me at ALL and we had some very nice snogging, thank you.

Then he asked me out AGAIN - by this point, he's texting me every day, calling me every night and is generally showing signs of being 'into me'. I want to point out that I am playing by The Rules at this point too. Went to his house,watched a film, laughed my arse off (I feel the need to point out that he's laughing too) and had lots of fab snogging. He asked if I wanted to 'take it up a notch' and I said no, not right now as I have to go home, and we agreed to wait.

I was meant to be seeing him last night for a 'sleepover' date... but more about that in a bit. Friday night I went to PlaceByTheSea to stay with my friend Josephine, whom I havent seen in ten years. She found me on Facebook before Christmas and asked me to stay. It was fabulous! We had a super fun night out and it feels like I never DIDNT see her - it was like I saw her yesterday. If you look up 'Yummy Mummy' in the dictionary, there's a picture of Josephine.. She's just as stunningly gorgeous, as shiningly genuine, open, has the most infectious, beautiful smile ever and 100% fabulous top top person as I remember and now she has a fantabbatastic hubby (who I now feel I've known forever too) and a gorgeous little boy whom I heard her tucking into bed and I swear to god my non-maternal heart broke. Such a great night out and now I cant wait to see her again for more catching up!

Then last night I was meant to be seeing Adbul... Ok lets call him DB(New) cos thats what Miss HCH called him. Id popped in to see another mate of mine en route from Jospehine's to his, and he text me saying 'can we have a chat'. Straight away I thought it was a bad sign. So I called him up and (long story short, I have a problem with my phone where it goes dead, you're chatting away but I cant hear you for about 30 seconds at a time and you cant hear me going 'phone's gone dead, hang on, hang on, f(&(*&&)*&)(*NG THING)... basically, he wants to take things slowly because he's not over his last Long Term Relationship (which he says ended right before Christmas, I have a feeling it was around October) and isnt over his ex. But he loves spending time with me and he loves my company, he just isnt ready for a relationship.

We've been on THREE dates. THREE. No one had mentioned relationships.. specially not me. It wasnt me doing the nightly calling, the daytime texting and the facebook wall comments by the way... again with The Rules...And then he asked me if I still wanted to go round that night. Uhhh, no. No. I believe I have more self-esteem than to date someone on the offchance that they will end up liking me more / wont go back to their ex. He apologised a lot and I said dont - its how he feels, and I really do appreciate the fact that he was honest, because that must have taken balls, and its his feelings, you shouldnt have to apologise for your feelings, right?

But I said no, I cant see him anymore. I'm no-ones 'make do' person. I deserve someone who wants ME, who is into ME and isnt constantly thinking 'well shes ok but she's not as good as....'.

So ever since then, I've been on a hideous downer. Its like my 'Happy' I was so pleased about last time has gone and serve me right for banging on about it. Now I feel flatter than I did before Christmas. And I feel stupid. Stupid for feeling this bad about some guy I went on 3 dates with, stupid for feeling so good about him in the first place, stupid for believing someone could like me and it could go right, stupid for letting someone in. I dont know. I just feel stupid. Thankfully I have amazing friends and family who have made sure I'm ok and not wallowing despite being overly-emotional and prone to drama on a regular basis, but I'm gutted. My friends have variously said that he's stupid for missing out on me for the sake of an ex (and if she's that awesome, how come they broke up?), that she's found out he's seeing someone and is meddling (from my Psychic friend) and the general opinion is that he's an idiot and this would all have been information that was useful 3 weeks ago...

And truth be told, I'm wallowing. I cant stop crying which makes me feel even MORE stupid.. My feelings are hurt and I really LIKED this guy - what is wrong with me that I'm not good enough? I know that's not it either - this all says more about him than it does about me but god that's how it feels right now. 3 dates can f**k me up so badly? God help me.

Sorry this is such a downer entry, but I need to get it off my chest and somewhere else out of my system for a little while. Rant over...

Jelly tots!
Axx